What the heck?

Just as difficult as it is to get back in the swing of things at work, I’m having an equal difficult time getting back into a fitness routine—especially running.  I have a love/hate relationship with running.  I love everything the sport benefits me:  health, fitness, therapy, a natural high.  But I also hate certain parts of the sport:  the mental aspect to push myself past my limits & the emotional portion.  After the NYC Mary was cancelled, it’s like running broke my heart.  I had a relationship with running for 3 years; specifically, 18 intense weeks of training to reach 26.2.  Then, when the big day finally came…I was crushed.  Disappointed that something I had given my whole heart to, something I made my top priority for 4 months straight, could undo all that love & devotion in the blink of an eye.  Now I find it challenging to give my heart to running once again—fearful it might wound me again.

Not even a trip to the beach this past weekend could get my spirits up.  Saturday was gorgeous here & Carl was out of town with baseball, so I figured a girls day outing to the beach would be a perfect way to spend my weekend after the first week back to work I had.

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Lola loved every second of it, but I could not get my brain to “turn off.”  I kept thinking about what I could be doing; what I needed to get done yet.  Kept feeling this unsettled-ness inside me for some reason.  I’m assuming it is just this time of year.  It’s dark when I wake up, I work in an office with no windows, & it’s dark when I get home-when all I do is fix dinner, watch a little television, & then go to bed to repeat the next day.  Day in, day out.  I know that running would kick my butt in gear & get me happy again, but it’s just the struggle of finding the motivation to do so.  Stupid seasonal affective disorder!

Hoping to straighten some things out throughout this week & holiday weekend.

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